I was raised by a stay-at-home Mom. As far as Moms go, she was the best. She had home cooked meals on the table by 5 pm. She made elaborate cakes for our birthday parties. She coached my Odyssey of the Mind teams, she drove car pools, she made lunches…but mainly she loved us. It was evident in everything she did and the way she lived her life.
Throughout my childhood and into college, I knew this wasn’t going to be my path. I was going to have a career. Run companies and do great things. Then I started my career. Careers suck. They’re draining and time consuming, sometimes playing out like a real-world Office Space. How could I ever fit a kid into a week consumed by a fifty-hour plus week? I figured if I went the kid route, I’d take a career detour.
Then two years ago I read the Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? In the Mommy Wars, Leslie Bennetts takes a passive aggressive tone just this side of hatred towards stay-at-home moms. She is that person you hate. She seethes with a self-righteousness piety typically reserved for members of Focus on the Family. Her book tells story after story of women who were stay-at-home who then became financial trainwrecks after divorce or death or unemployment. Whatever the cause, you were going to hell in a handbasket if you took that career detour.
I seethed after that book. I was indignant and angry. But you know what? I think she’s right. Not working for a prolonged period is setting yourself up for some potentially scary financial situations. When my parents got divorced, it was pretty clear in my opinion who got the short end of the financial stick. The data is pretty clear and convincing that it’s a huge financial risk to leave the workforce and go to a one-paycheck house.
It’s not like every stay-at-home mom runs into financial problems. This is a gray situation, which Bennetts treated as if it were black and white. Every women whether divorced, married or single should have her own credit, savings, checking account and retirement funds. Bennetts never addressed financial acumen for women, which I think was the real point.
I loathe the Feminine Mistake, but it seriously gave me pause on some of my previously held perspectives. And no matter what path I take, I’ll consider it carefully and make educated choices.
Read it. Hate it. Think about it.
