The Art of Awkward

This past weekend, I was able to attend my second Great American Beer Festival. Great American Beer Festival is akin to America’s version of Oktoberfest. Coincidentally, you can attend GABF and then Denver’s version of Oktoberfest. God Bless, Denver.

During this three-day event, more than 49,000 attendees get to sample 2,100 beers. Whilst drunk. It is beautiful chaos.

Now there are typically two approaches to this event. One: Try to get as much beer in your system as possible while trying to redeem your $50 ticket price whilst frenetically downing your one-ounce samples. Two: Map out your plan of attack to try and get to the better breweries among the 457 breweries that attended. Now, I did a hybrid version of this. While trying not to lose my friends (James!), I tried to get in line again and again and again for New Glarus.

Some tips for newbies:

1) Don’t wait in line. Seriously. I waited in line my first year and it wraps around forever. Instead, find an event at one of Colorado’s many breweries and stroll in at 6 pm.

2) Less is more. If you’re attending with a big group, you will spend a lot of time trying to round them up. Someone leaves for the bathroom, and it’ll be days before they show up again.

3) Research or drink in the Southeast section. If you’re into beer, take the time to map it out and research your beers. You’ll spend a lot of wasted time on crappy beers if you just hold your cup out (I’m looking at you Lemon Haize). If you chose quantity over quality, go drink in the Southeast section. As pointed out to me by my friend Dan, that section had the shortest lines.

4) Don’t ask the pourer about their favorite – As brought to my attention, those pouring the drinks aren’t the brewers but rather one of 3,000 volunteers there to drink free. So save your breath on asking them as they have no clue.

5) Don’t drive. I don’t know what possesses people to get behind the wheel after a beer festival, but lots of people seem to think this is acceptable behavior. Take a cab, bus or pedicab. Not an option? Get a hotel. If at any point, you’re thinking they don’t heavily scour for drunk drivers after a drinking event with 49,000 people, you’re seriously mistaken. We saw at least two people getting pulled over in our walk to the Denver Diner.

And as a final piece of advice, get in line again and again and again for New Glarus.

I’m obsessed, OBSESSED with Jane Aldridge out of Texas. She writes the Sea of Shoes blog. At 17, she’s already been featured in Vogue. She takes the most outrageous elements and makes it work. Mainly I love that she doesn’t bow to the typical high school fashion criteria of jean cut-off shorts and Hollister tops. I know I wouldn’t have had the courage to rock rabbit fur vests at high school. I wasn’t even rocking Abercrombie properly high school. Then again, that’s why my blog is entitled The Art of Awkward.

As I’ve said before, I can’t parallel park (am slowly learning!). I was reminded of this because Gotham Gal had a great blog post on Things Everybody Should Know How To Do and parallel parking was on that. My mom was big on practical skills as well and did her best to instill those in us before we left for college. “Elaine, what are you going to do when you get to college and can’t do laundry?” My Dad was a lot less worried about practical life skills. “Oh honey, you’re not going to take an art appreciation class? What will you talk about at cocktail parties?” I’m sure Dad would be happy to know I’m keeping up on my cultural skills more than the real world skills.

I’m still missing some (a lot) of those real world skills and am hoping to get in some during my upcoming month of funemployment before I leave for Europe. Some from Gotham Gal’s list and some I just need to know. These are life skills I’m missing that I should know:

• Learn to change a tire
• Roast a chicken (I have no idea how to roast a chicken. Do I need special tools?)
• Parallel park
• Open a bottle of wine without a fancy cork
• Learn CPR (my last class was in college)
• Learn to hem pants
• Properly iron (I can iron. But not really well)
• Properly use a hammer and nails (every single picture in my apt is crooked)
• Make a pie crust
• Grill a steak
• Take a good picture

She has waltzing on her list. No way I’m putting waltzing on my list. It’s a skill I really need but have no desire to gain.

Last Wednesday was Ignite Boulder. For entertainment purposes, Ignite Boulder is the best entertainment value out there. $10 buys you 14 five-minute presentations on everything ranging from food porn, video games, journalism/ghost busters, debate and DUIs. It’s like having someone do a power-point presentation on a Wikipedia entry but making it funny and relevant and no citations. I’ve attended Ignite Boulders two to six, and love the ways it continues to grow. More than that, what started out as a primarily tech community event has expanded past the usual suspects in our community. And it was great to see George, Vanessa and Jenny rock the house. Ignite is one of those nerve wrecking but totally worthwhile items to undertake.

This is my favorite presentation from Ignite Boulder 5. This was everyone’s favorite presentation from Ignite Boulder 5.

My friend Bruce Wyman also presented where he shared the gem that seals are fat sausages that float in the seas.

So if you’re in Boulder/Denver, the next Ignite Boulder will be in December and the next Ignite Denver will be on Oct. 14. And if you’re outside of the area check out the Ignite site to find one in your area.

My friend and former Schenkein colleague Meredith Stevens has started a new blog, “Here’s To The Dash.” I love the reasoning behind the name…

Paula would say, “Here’s To The Dash.” Why?On a person’s tombstone, there is the year of their birth and the year of their death. What’s between those years is the “dash” aka what you did in your life. Successes, accomplishments, challenges… all memories and all things you did while LIVING.

Check it out if you have a second.

My ability to take a good photograph is limited to keep my thumbs out of the frame. If I can do that, mission accomplished. But this past year, I’ve made some friends with amazing photographers. While taking incredible photos aren’t on my wish list, seeing their work has made me more appreciative of good photography. Even better, it’s made me more appreciative of the beauty that surrounds us constantly. I notice the lighting at dusk surrounding the mountains. The world seems a little more lush and vivid. And I hope you find their photos as inspiring as I do.

Credit to: Ryan Behner

Credit to: Stepan Mazurov

Credit to: Aimee Greeblemonkey

This article by Paul Graham hits photography on the head nicely (hat tip to Ryan)

And in its own way: a contribution, and all that effort and frustration and time and money will fall away. It was worth it, because it is something real, that didn’t exist before you made it exist: a sentient work of art and power and sensitivity, that speaks of this world and your fellow human beings place within it. Isn’t that beautiful?

One brilliant Tumblr I love is Sepia Beauty. She works for an accessories company, and I drool daily over her awesome outfits and amazing jewelry. I found her from Georgie Girl’s Tumblr.

Last Thursday found me in a sub shop with some of my guy friends when the Notre Dame/Michigan game came up. Now I’m prone to talk trash when it comes to the Irish. Even if I am woefully ignorant of how we’re supposed to do this season (does it matter though? pre-season rankings are a JOKE). So I made a bet. The last time I made a bet like this I ended up wearing a “I heart BYU” t-shirt to work. (Foreshadowing!)

I bet my friend Vikas that if Notre Dame won that he would have to wear one of my old Notre Dame t-shirts that I would kindly bedazzle for him. If Michigan won, I would have to wear Michigan tattoos on my cheeks. Our venue of choice was at Ignite Boulder full of 600 people. Oh, and I help check those people in.

Thank you Charlie Weis and the Irish. But shout out to Vikas for being a total classy winner as I’m not. I would have really rubbed his face in it.

I haven’t been this excited for a movie…since….I don’t know when. I just hope Dakota Fanning doesn’t ruin it, or I will wish a world of childhood star heroin addiction on her. Did that make sense? No, probably not. Neither did Dakota Fanning in the Twilight series. Then again, the previous actors didn’t actually act, so it seems to be tradition.

With New Moon coming up, I thought I’d do another Twilight post. This is from last year’s InStyle shoot. I would sell you my right kidney for for Kristin’s jacket or boots.

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