The Art of Awkward

Not that I have any desire to have kids right now. The closest I want to come to having children is to babysit my adorable nephew for a couple hours and then return him to his parents, stat.

The reason I can’t have kids right now relates entirely to insurance. Since I left my last job, I opted not to go with COBRA but instead opted to go with an independent insurance option, specifically Kaiser Permanente. As I was looking at my options, I was surprised to see prenatal care wasn’t covered. No matter what plan I looked at, prenatal wasn’t covered.

I thought it was a Kaiser practice, until I saw this article floating around Twitter – “Being A Woman Is Not A Pre-Existing Condition.” To my astonishment, only 12 percent of individual market plans include comprehensive maternity coverage. I’m not pregnant now, so I don’t see how insurance companies can preemptively decide they won’t cover this for me moving forward. I don’t think it’s fair to group pregnancy under elective options. Having a baby isn’t exactly on par with having a nose job.

What further infuriates me is that in nearly all cases, it takes TWO to make a baby. Yet this scenario puts all of the financial onus on women. The loopholes of not being covered with a pregnancy loom large. If your company shuts down, you no longer qualify for Cobra. One women had herself induced, so she would give birth before her company shut down, and still get hit with an $18,000 hospital bill. Holy crap. And if you have had a C-Section and live in Colorado, United Health has the right to simply reject you on the spot. It limits options for women to work as entrepreneurs where you are often required to have independent insurance options.

Furthermore, gender rating (a bullshit discriminatory practice) means that women pay more – a lot more – for insurance options. According to The Denver Post,

“Colorado women age 40 and under shopping for health insurance in the individual market, not through an employer, pay from 10 percent to 59 percent more than men, according to analysis by the National Women’s Law Center.”

I don’t want children now (and maybe ever) but discriminatory laws that limit the prenatal care and thus health of this country’s babies deserves everyone’s wrath. I’ll be damned if insurance companies run almost entirely by men get to determine if I can have kids someday.

As excited as I am about three months in Europe, there is a lot of things that are terrifying me to the core. I wake up from nightmares every single night since I’ve made the decision. This is a good thing. As it is, there are a lot of things in life that scare me or make me uncomfortable. But what scares us, what makes us tremble, what gives us nightmares, are often the activities in life that are most memorable and worth pursuing. So cheers to being scared!

• Flying – I rationally know flying is safer than driving, but cars never shake due to turbulence. Being on planes for three months including a leg from Seattle to Reyjavik looms large. (Tip: Most planes crash during the first 30 seconds of landing or taking off. I count to 30 when we take off, and know statistically that we aren’t as likely to crash)
• Being mugged or robbed – My mom got pick pocketed twice in London. That I can handle. Having someone pull a weapon on me? Not so much. No one enjoys a good stab wound on vacation. Even Diane Von Furstenberg got robbed outside of the Thyssen Museum.
• Staying in hostels - This entitled American is not used to sharing, especially rooms with strangers. Including men.
• Meeting new people - I’m introverted by nature, so the thought of meeting nonstop strangers for three months is terrifying for me.
• Being unemployed when I get back – Spending a lot of money to be faced with no job makes me sick to my stomach.
• Eating by myself - I hate eating by myself in sit-down restaurants. Hate it. HATE it. I imagine I’ll be eating at the bar a lot.
• Carrying everything I need in ONE bag – I need to be able to pack a bag that I can comfortably carry on my shoulders for three months for clothes I can wear at pubs, the Opera and general sightseeing while in climates ranging from freezing (Iceland) to warm (Barcelona). In ONE bag.

What scares you?

My friend Cara was kind enough to get me a very generous iTunes card for my birthday and as a present that I could take with me on my travels. I’m pretty stunted when it comes to music, and the suggestions of iTunes can only take you so far. So I put it out to Twitter for new suggestions. I got recommendations on 36 new bands. Which is incredible for someone who has bought a total of 5 CDs in her life.

Hands down, the favorite thing I downloaded so far is Shadows from Au Revoir Simone. Julie described her as Grey’s Anatomy music, which is an apt description for the band and my music taste. With a little Gossip Girl soundtrack and some Jay Z, you’ve summed up my music taste. (But seriously, have you listened to Blueprint 3?) Some of the other great suggestions were Phoenix, Camera Obscura, Airborne Toxic Event, The Raveonettes, The Rosebuds, Barcelona, Mayor Hawthorne and White Denim.

Thanks Twitter!

As I’ve said before, Doutzen Kroes is my favorite model. Love this interview with her (I wish these videos weren’t several years old and that Style was still doing its model series interviews)

For the last five years I’ve wanted to go and travel Europe. When I was stressed at my first job (and I was always stressed at my first job), I would print out travel articles and place them in a red folder with the label “Escape.” I planned on quitting on my two-year anniversary, but somehow made it to four-and-a-half years. When it looked like they might need to do layoffs, I offered to be the first one figuring I’d travel Europe and come back and work at Sephora for awhile. But I wasn’t laid off. And then my next job at Metzger was too good of an opportunity, so I went straight there.

As I started contemplating travel again, I simply ran out of reasons not to go. I had the money, I’d put in a year at Metzger and just needed to get through one big client event, and I wouldn’t be traveling in the summer (hate the heat). Plus, I’d made great connections at Metzger that would help in a new job search. And I was exhausted. So I quit.

I know quitting a perfectly good job in this economy is just this side of crazy. I also know that when I get back, I won’t have a place to live or a job, and that can only lead into a depressing situation. But I’m also ok with doing clean up on aisle six until I get my feet back underneath me. And I’m also running out of time when I’ll have the opportunity to just pick up and leave.

After my parents passed away when I was 24, I had this sinking feeling in my stomach that I wouldn’t make it to 30. It’s not rational. Or something I still really think is true. But losing both your parents within six weeks of each other in your early twenties tends to affect your rational thoughts. And I turned 29 on Oct. 13, and 30 still seems ominous to me. When you look at the ages of my parents when they passed away, this is technically my mid-life crisis.

I grew up in a traveling family. We didn’t spend a lot of money on cars, clothes or entertainment. But each year my Dad would plan a two-week vacation that was the highlight of his year (he hated his job as an attorney). It brought some memorable trips including the time we went to England when I was in the third grade, and my parents paid us 3 cents for every fact we could recite about England at the dinner table. It was our spending money for the trip, and I earned $100 dollars, so I was pretty damn knowledgeable about England by the time we left. Some trips were less memorable like the car trips in our station wagon across the Nevada desert to California (the highlight being where my sister would use her feet on my face to move me as far away from her as possible.)

Frances Mayes talked about the need to surprise your life in the “Under the Tuscan Sun.” I’ve always related to that desire for dramatic change. The desire to purchase a house in Tuscany. Or as it relates to me, the desire to spend Christmas by myself in Siena. I’ll be leaving for my journey on Nov. 10. So far, Reykjavik, Iceland; Oslo, Norway; Stockholm, Sweden; Barcelona, Spain; Athens, Greece; Siena & Tuscany, Italy; and Paris, France are on the menu. I’m also hoping to do London, Prague, Switzerland, Ireland, Austria and Belgium. That’s a lot for three months. But I think the trade off of being poor, homeless and jobless upon my return will make this journey worthwhile.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

Every time I see this video, I fall more in love with Natalia Vodianova, star of my favorite Vogue editorial ever. Grew up devastatingly poor and moved out at 15, takes care of her family back home and started a foundation to give back to Russian children, mother of three and not to mention an amazing model. Natalia is my idea of a spectacular women.

I launched a new blog today with Melissa Hourigan, Elaine Schoch, Jeremy Story and Ef Rodriguez. I’m really excited about it. Despite the fact that I’m working with Ef and all. It’s called Soci@l Byte, and its about marketers & PR people using social media. Which also saves this blog from talking about social media and saves it for my shallower pursuits.

Photo Stolen From Matt Gist

I went to see the incredible Snow Patrol last night with the excellent crew of Monika, Matt, Ryan and James.

They played my favorite Snow Patrol song, Chocolate, as the second song of the set. I don’t know if I’ve ever loved a line in a song as much as “A child of 25.” The song came out when I was 25 or thereabouts, and summed up exactly how I felt (and feel). That even though I haven’t been a child for years, even after dealing with all of stuff with my parents, even at 25, 26, 27, 28 and nearly 29…that I don’t feel like a grownup.

“You’re the only thing that I love, scares me more every day.” This line reminds me how hard it is to trust someone with your heart.

And I love the final line, “I promise I’ll do anything you ask… this time” It connotates a thousand broken promises.

Gary Lightbody, the lead singer, is very entertaining and not just because of his foreign accent (love!). Their first song was messed up (don’t ask me how, I’m tone deaf), and he handled it with total aplomb. He just said that they’ll let them fix the equipment and then pretend it never happened and start the concert over. Hilarious.

I get a guest appearance on my friend’s blog (THE Jackie McKenna Sablich) where my teddy bear, Hey Buddy, also makes an appearance. You should check out her blog if you get a chance – great posts on decorating, travel, crafts, weddings and the like. When we were in college, Jacs took two old dressers and painted them navy blue with gold stars. It was adorable. Also, when we were in college, I reupholstered a couch using an old sheet and duct tape. You can see why I don’t have the decorating blog here.

Picture of Greece from Pleasant and Home

I finally got to see the September Issue, the documentary about Vogue Magazine. In tech terms, it was the equivalent of waiting for the Star Wars prequels. I saw it twice, it was that good.

The September issue of Vogue is always the biggest and baddest of the entire season outweighing even December (which strikes me as odd as that is a make or break month for retail). It is the Bible of fashion. It is massive. The September 2007 issue of Vogue (the edition featured in the documentary) had 727 pages of advertising in it. It is one of the few magazines where commercialism is as appreciated as the ads since they’re as good as the editorials.

The star of the documentary is Anna Wintour, the editor-in-chief and renowned inspiration behind The Devil Wears Prada. The scene stealer though belongs to Grace Coddington, creative director of Vogue, who pushes Anna into submission and lives to tell about it. Grace does beautiful and inspiring editorials that are heart breakingly romantic (like my favorite Vogue editorial of all time). Anna puts together a publication that has the most pages of any monthly magazine in history. A ying and yang of personalities that results in Vogue.

Anna is the dictator of the fashion world. The documentary shows how she brought back fur in the early 90s, how she convinced Miuccia Prada to change her materials to the joy of retailers, how she guilted Stefano Pilati (current designer of Yves Saint Laurent) about not using color, how she convinced Oscar de la Renta into paring down his line, how she helped make Thakoon a star. Known sometimes as Nuclear Wintour, she has an icy demeanor. One of my favorite lines in The Devil Wears Prada is when Miranda Priestly asks about a call thru, “Why is no one reeeaaadddy?” The hilarious park is when Anna Wintour asks “Is anyone coming to this run thru besides me?” Lauren Weisberger was pretty dead on in detailing Anna Wintour.

I loved Grace. She doesn’t conform. Her name isn’t Candy Pratts Price, Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, Marina Rust Connor or Andre Leon Talley (do we see a pattern here?). One of the chief complaints with The Devil Wears Prada is that fashion editors don’t actually dress like that and that certainly rang true for Grace. (Even Tonne Goodman always wears white jeans from the Gap, which I LOVE.) Plus, she was hilarious. She brought up budget in front of the cameraman for the haute couture shoot (a killer shoot with Raquel Zimmerman) because she knew it would force Anna’s hand. She has an artistic vision that was incredible to watch come together. I loved how she talked about always keeping your eyes open to find inspiration everywhere.

Go see it if you can. It was my favorite movie of 2009.

Caroline Trentini and the camera man from the documentary (Photo courtesy of Style)

PS – The title of the blog is the name of the song played in the documentary – Destroying Everything You Touch by Ladytron