Awkward Americanisms

In the Scandinavian countries, everyone speaks English. Everyone. I have yet to meet a true Norsk who doesn’t speak practically perfect English. This makes it immensely easier to navigate foreign cities by yourself. Yet, there are a thousand Awkward American moments occuring daily.

It can’t be helped. While I can frantically Google whether you tip the waiters in Oslo, I didn’t even think to look for a ticket system similar to the DMV at the Opera houses. You pull a ticket, and then you get to go to a window at the box office. While I was thinking, “Come on, Norway…get a move on,” they were patiently waiting for their number to appear. This ticketing system is everywhere from the baker to the post office.

Europeans use coins for literally significant chunks of change. My first approach was not to bother with coins until I learned that many exchange agents won’t accept coins. So that was an expensive mistake. Now I sit there flipping through coins while the sales clerk or street vendor stares on in exasperation and disbelief. And stares on. And stares on.

“Is this a five? I think I have a two. What was the total again?”

“Why don’t I count it out for you?,” the postal clerk in Copenhagen asked.

Yes, why don’t you just count it out for me?

I can’t read maps. I had forgotten this because of the iPhone. I’d use my iPhone, but I can’t get it to work the majority of time. So I stare at maps and misread maps. Sometimes people come over to assist me.

“Can I help you find something?”

“I’m looking for the Church.”

“I think you just need to turn around.”

“Yes, alright then. Well thank you.”

Movie theaters come with assigned seating, which wouldn’t be hard to navigate if I knew the Norwegian words for row, seat and theatre. Operas have assigned coat check stands. A thousand minor frustrations a day face me, and I have no one to bounce off whether I’m headed in the right direction or not. But I’m facing these frustrations in Europe! Instead of a job and somehow that makes it all bearable.