To Xander On Your Third Birthday

Kate, if you could read this to Xander, I’d love it very much. I’m sure he won’t pay any attention, but then it’ll be just like me reading to him in real life.

Dear Xander,

Today you turn three, and I just wanted to let you know how much I love you.

When leaving for this trip, the only time I cried is when I had to say goodbye to you. And then I bawled. Because I do not mind missing Christmas or New Year’s back home, but missing you and your birthday is the hardest part of being gone. You grow so quickly and in the three months I’ll be gone, you just might forget me. And that would break my heart.

One sentiment I’ve always held onto is the belief that you were made for our family. After Mom passed away, Carrie told me that when your parents passed away, they got to help pick your children in heaven. And after you were born, I had no doubt that Mom and Dad helped pick you out for Kate and Jace.

You helped fill a giant hole left in our lives. Watching you grow up has been one of the greatest privileges I’ve ever been given. Everytime I see you, you leave me awed and more in love with you.

I love your little surfer haircut. I love watching you babble out words. I love reading to you and you not paying attention to me at all. I love the way you get a mischievous smile on your face and completely disregard what your parents are telling you (especially if it’s your Mom!). I love you so much that I love your temper tantrums even if they’re directed at me. I love the fact that you listen to Coldplay, watch the movie Halloween 3,336 times in a row and that you mouth the lyrics to the intro as you dance around.

I love how you greet me as “Aunt Elaine!” and run up to see me. Even if the excitement generally lasts less than a minute. I love taking you to museums and the places my parents took us as children. I loved the time we asked you who the Wooly Mammoth looked like, and you said “Mom!” Even if what you meant to say was the character from Ice Age.

I can’t be there today to wish you a Happy Birthday, wrap you in my arms and suffocate you with kisses. But I want you to know on your birthday that even if you can’t understand what your Mom is reading to you, you are loved.

After you lost your Grandfather Rick this year, I was devastated that you only had one grandparent to watch you grow up. But as someone told me (and I can’t remember who) that they were all your surrogate grandparents. Your Great Aunt Julie, Great Aunt Diane, Great Aunt Mary Jo and Uncle Gene and your great Godparents Marilyn and Larry love you too. As do Rick and Linda’s siblings.

Happy Birthday Xander. You are loved.

Aunt Elaine